People need people. It’s that plain and simple. Yet studies have shown we are facing a loneliness epidemic. We often hear that seniors, people living in big cities, newcomers or retirees are often lonely, yet no person or sector is immune.

If you happen to be living with an intellectual disability the odds of being lonely are very high. While we cannot offer a quick fix, we have found that there are intentional things people can do to increase the likelihood that new relationships or friendships may develop.

For people seeking to build their network of friends, reciprocity in a relationship matters.

It’s not uncommon for people who are vulnerable to be close to those paid to be with them or who volunteer to support them. While these people may be generous and caring, the relationships are one sided. Staff are paid to be involved and often move on when jobs change. They may be very nice people but friendship is something different.

Reciprocal means both people freely contribute to and benefit from the relationship. And both people chose to be together for no other reason than they like to spend time together.

As parents we’re concerned about the day that we can no longer care for our children. An equally critical concern is who will be there for them?

In a perfect world, our children would be surrounded by people who will love them for who they are and will look out for them. Not that these friends will replace us as parents, but they will be involved and will provide care and oversight. This is what supportive relationships can offer.

If this is your goal, then the choices you make throughout your child’s life will impact the possibility of friendships forming. Who your children come in contact with on a regular basis will impact the opportunities for relationships. 

If you choose to have your son or daughter only involved in special programs for people with a disability, then it is highly unlikely that supportive relationships will form. Your family member may develop friendships with others with disabilities, but the probability is low they will be supportive.

To have any chance of developing supportive relationships, your son or daughter must be involved in community activities with others of the same age in their neighbourhoods and schools. It’s about being intentional to create opportunities where supportive relationships may take root.

Connecting Over Shared Interests 
Friendships are more likely to flourish among people who gather on a regular basis around an interest or activity. Creating opportunities to support your son or daughter to uncover and explore their interests can often be a first step leading to new relationships.  What do they like? Where in your community do others with the same interests gather?

Long Term Security
It’s nice to think that everyone should have others to spend time with as they age. But supportive relationships are much more than nice-to-haves. They can be critical to long term safety and security. Often families struggle identifying trustees that may step up and manage trusts setup specifically for a person with a disability once parents pass. Developing supportive relationships over the long term can help with this.

Additionally, there is a movement to establish Microboards in Ontario. Microboards are incorporated bodies that are setup to manage and administer affairs of a person with a disability. Microboards must be comprised of people who know and care for the person and have a supportive relationship.

While supportive relationships enhance quality of life for a person with a disability, they can also play a very critical role in long term financial security.

Whether your child is young or old, be proactive in building relationships  

• For young children, create opportunities for play dates, park visits, parties, etc.
• For older children, reach out early and often to initiate activities with others like dinners, walks, movie nights, etc.
• Teach your child skills they can use to participate in activities with others. One mom we met taught her daughter to shoot baskets at age five so she would have something to do at recess with her classmates.
• If you have support staff, emphasize that their role should be to develop supportive relationships. Their role should not be to attend events as a friend, but to support the person in situations that may lead to relationships.
• Break barriers by helping others understand your child if appropriate. Sharing your story can open others up to supportive relationships.
• Keep in contact with those who show an interest – children, teachers, support workers, neighbours, friends of siblings, etc. – each connection may, at some point, step up to offer support or participate in your support network down the road.
• Join groups that get together on a consistent basis – Brownies/Scouts, choir or church groups, a community garden, exercise class, volunteer groups, etc.
• Help your child use social media to connect with others – maybe create a secure Facebook Group.
• Step back – leave room for others to step up and offer support
• Be aware of age appropriateness – ask others the same age as your child to offer suggestions on current styles and trends.
• Look for community-based activities in natural (not congregated) settings.